Sunday, December 9, 2012

10 things I learned from watching Snow White and the Huntsman

In an effort to appease my better half I decided to pick up Snow White and the Huntsman over the weekend. I thought, a little fairy tale, a little action - something for everyone right?  What I'm about to divulge are 10 things I learned from watching this movie. 

*Note: spoilers contained below.  If you were actually planning on watching this movie you probably don't belong reading this blog....  However, if you are an avid reader of Shoot That S I apologize.  Check out our latest entry into the Pro Wrestling Junk Drawer- you'll like it so much better than this movie.  Trust me.

10 Things I Learned from watching Snow White and the Huntsman:

10. Take an old fashioned fairy tale + a dash of Twilight + a bit of Lord of the Rings = a pretty crappy movie.

9.  Wasn't this the movie where Kristen Stewart hooked up with the director and ruined her relationship with what's-his-name?  Makes sense because I'll you one thing she wasn't doing on set: acting.

8. Of course the evil queen has a perverted brother who serves as her second-in-command.  Unfortunately he also shares the same haircut as the dude from that horrible Bucky movie.  Poor choice makeup and hair design director. Poor choice indeed.

7.  Note to self: if I ever become a super-villain and I have the chance to wipe out the rightful heirs to my throne early on - take advantage of that window of opportunity.  Do not under any circumstances lock the true king/queen/prince in a tower in my castle for years and pretend to forget about them.  That never works.

6.  Note to self part II: if you ever run into a beautiful maiden in the woods do not, I repeat DO NOT marry her the next day.  Also, sign a pre-nup that includes something about her not being able to kill me on our wedding night.

5.   Who names a kid Snow White?  Is "White" her middle name?  Seems pretty redundant if you ask me.  Duh, snow is white.  That would've been rough on the playground growing up.

4.  Wait, Bob Hoskins plays one of the Seven Dwarfs in this movie?  Man, that makes me wanna watch Hook.  Smee, Smee what about Smee?  

3.  Speaking of the Dwarfs, since when are Bob Hoskins, Ray Finestone and Ian McShane all little people?  They couldn't find actual little people to play these roles?  Do we have a shortage of pint-sized actors?  Maybe they were all on the Hobbit movie...

2.  You know what always works against an invincible evil Queen who can suck the life from you and turn into a pack of ravens?  Stabbing her with a tiny knife.  Because everyone knows that tiny knives are the best thing since sliced bread.

1.  According to IMDB they are gonna make a sequel.  That reminds me, I need to send in my screen play about a guy who takes a giant crap on camera.  Coincidentally, my movie will also star Kristen Stewart.

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