NBA Draft Recap

All the exciting events from Thursday night, brought to you by Goetze's Mini-Vanilla Cow Tales...(all times Central):

6:48 - Return from Olive Garden to find 3rd pick is in . . . crap.

6:50 - Awkward family photo of the Bradley Beal family

6:51 - Looks like Beal missed a little spot on his chin shaving this morning. What is that thing?

6:55 - Stern sounds like he's been spending a lot of time in New York lately. A quick Wikipedia check reveals he was born in New York...never mind.

6:56 - I believe the reason that the Wolves failed to trade up for Dion Waiters is that he lacks the good smile and strong handshake of other T-Wolves Syracuse picks (see: Jonny Flynn, Wes Johnson)

6:57 - Rumor has it Kahn has an orange in his pocket for Fab Melo. Is that short for "Fabulous"? He kinda looks like the guy in Friday who gets his bike stolen by Debo

6:59 - Gotta "Goetze" me another cow tale - seriously? That's how they spell "tail"?

7:00 - Is that Garrett Anderson in the Taco Bell nachos commercial?

7:04 - Not lovin' the forced questions upon the Thomas Robinson family. Leave 'em alone already.

7:05 - Use of the word "character" count at 4, not including first half-hour of draft that was missed . . .

7:06 - Van Gundy's twitter handle is "Notorious JVG." Who does that guy think he is? #keithhernandez

7:11 - Kinda slow here. Another cow tale; interesting packaging.

7:13 - Barnes certainly looking like he's from Iowa with that hat

7:15 - Apparently theme of the draft is to have ladder matches between the top picks?

7:16 - Currently breaking down our fantasy football mock draft. Pick #58, where are you??

7:18 - Twitter currently 2 picks ahead of ESPN

7:19 - Terrence Ross rockin' the bow tie. Somewhere Bruce Bowen is smiling.

7:20 - Wait, this is really the new hat style? Somewhere Omar Vizquel is smiling.

7:22 - Fran kinda looks like Nathan Lane.

7:25 - Look for "Foul-a-Drummond" = 29% FT!?!?

7:30 - Evidently HP laid off workers so they could sponsor Stern's note cards?

7:36 - Miles Leonard wins award for first to bend his hat bill

7:40 - Randy Wittman being interviewed. King of Interim Coaches himself. Last winning season was when he played for the Hoosiers. Is he doing chaw right now?

7:49 - Twitter slowing down. I think Stern went back there and whooped someone's ass

7:52 - Is Heather sitting on Roy Williams' lap?

7:53 - Fab Melo rumors percolating again. Oh oh.

7:56 - John Henson certainly looks like someone excited to play in Milwaukee

8:00 - Boo birds getting louder for Stern.

8:07 - Royce!! Wonder if the Mayor is in the house? At least there wasn't much for him to steal in Iowa. Let the Anthony Mason comparisons begin.

8:08 - Jay Bilas: "Houston will have to satisfy themselves..."

8:12 - Zeller kinda looking like Jim McIlvaine. Is his left ear bigger than his right?

8:18 - Feeling buyers remorse on our  Chase 'Carl' Buddig(ner) trade

8:21 - Rick Bucher immediately tempers expectations on the Zeller to CLE trade by starting with "don't get too excited" 

8:23 - Jones and Sullinger must have "about to die" on their medical reports

8:28 - Cut again to Fran because he only knows foreign players. "I think his game will translate to the NBA - he's been using Rosetta Stone for a while now..." Fornier kinda looks like Adam Lambert.

8:32 - Fab Melo stats check: 7.8ppg, 5.8rpg, 2.9bpg

8:42 - Holding breath Celtics actually keep Melo. #defensive3secondsallday

8:45 - DW to Dallas for the 24 here possibly?  #riotseason

8:49 - Atlanta currently on the clock on ESPN. Next 3 picks already announced on Twitter

8:50 - I think Mike Dunlap taught my high school physics class. #overhishead

8:57 - Maybe we trade for OJ Mayo? Tomorrow's proposed newspaper headline: "Hold the Mayo" with picture of Love hugging our new acquisition. Seriously, the stuff writes itself.

8:59 - (Will Ferrell voice): "Stern! The draft pick! We want it! What's he doing back there? I never know what he's doing..."

9:01 - Seriously think Stern had a hip replacement between picks there

9:02 - Keep tweeting JVG, hoping to see his cell phone vibrate off the table on TV

9:05 - "Uncle Drew" is actually Kyrie Irving? I think Grandmama was actually better than Larry Johnson.

9:10 - Stern late again, waddling to the podium. Will someone please text Christopher Nolan and tell him we've found a "Penguin" for his next Batman movie?

9:12 - PJIII to OKC?? Rich get richer.

9:27 - Last Stern announcement of the night? Honestly think he forgot his meds at home.

9:30 - Hoping for a Fab Melo run-in (and Friday reunion) during the "Craig" and Debo" Coors Light Commercial

9:33 - Biggest cheer of the night for Adam Silver

9:34 - Use of word "character" count now over 600

9:38 - Satoransky looks like Lloyd Christmas

9:45 - Scott Machado was pretty good in The Karate Kid...

10:23 - Who seriously watches this crap?

CBS Ranks Kahn as NBA's worst GM

Take heart Minnesota Timberwolves fans.  It isn't just us anymore.  David Kahn's ineptitude has now gained national fame.  CBS' Jeff Goodman recently came out with his NBA GM Draft ratings and Kahn finished last with a rating of .50.  OKC's Sam Presti finished first in the ratings with a number of 2.79.  Click here to read the article and Goodman's breakdown of how he ranked each GM.

http://memecrunch.com/meme/3CXS/david-kahn/image.png

Great NBA pics

A couple of great pictures from the magic of the Internet.

Minnesota Timberwolves: Mock Drafts

The NBA Draft is 6 days away.  We round up Mock Drafts from around the web and see who people are predicting the Wolves will take.

CBS Sportsline:

CNNSI:

Fox Sports/NBA Draft.net

Draft Express:

Hoopshype:

SportingNews:

Rotoworld:

We can't list ESPN's because you have to be a Insider, and we are not paying for stuff we can get free.  #getaclueESPN.

T.R.A.G - Men and Women Are Different

        Tall, Random, Awkward Guy is back with more scientific proof that men and women are indeed different. 

"If a woman is watching Desperate Housewives it's only because she isn't watching the Biggest Loser."

"If a man is watching Desperate Housewives it's because he is the Biggest Loser."

"Jason Marquis, what the heck?" - Minnesota Twins Fans

Game story from ESPN

10 Strikeouts?  Where was this when you were pitching for the Twins?  You had 12 TOTAL strikeouts in seven starts for the Twins.  Glad you got the loss though, you deserved it, #NoRunSupportKarma. 

Click here to get more info about Marquis' awfulness from Rotoworld.



Happy Father's Day

These Guys Actually Played?!? Part II

Back by popular demand, we revisit last year's topic available here.

Maybe we should just call this "Accountant or Not?"

Did Vance Law win a trophy for being a "bust"??

 

Sports Terms that exist in other states, but not in Minnesota

5 Tool Player (Minnesota Twins): Most Minnesota Twins fans are only aware of a 4 Tool Player (hitting for average, speed, throwing, and fielding).  So you can imagine the confusion among Twin’s fans when 2012 Draft Pick Byron Buxton was described as a 5 tool player.  Wikipedia had its busiest day in Minnesota as Twin’s fan search for the 5^th tool.  Minnesotan’s were confused about the phrase “hitting for Power”.

Interception (Minnesota Vikings):
The 2011 Minnesota Vikings went 9 games in without picking off a pass from the opposing teams quarterback.  This broke the previous record held by the 1996 Falcons and 2009 St. Louis Rams.   They finish with a league low 8 “interceptions”.  7 individual NFL players had 6 -7 “interceptions” by themselves.

The Football Dictionary defines interception as “a forward pass caught by the opposition.”  It will come as a shock to many Vikings fans that this is in fact a legal play while on defense.  And no, throwing an interception to the other team isn’t as good as catching the pass yourself.  We know taking things from others doesn’t appeal to our “Minnesota Nice” but until they change the rules the Vikes should probably get on board.

5 Star In-State Recruit – Minnesota Gophers Football and Basketball:

For years Gopher sports fans flipped open their game day program they were treated to player bios that described college majors, family history and Scandanavian upbringing.  So you can imagine the confusion among Gopher fans when they discovered that high school players were actually ranked based on their projected abilities and this ranking was often highlighted and celebrated.  Joel Maturi actually had to hold a press conference to calm the masses saying “we don’t recruit stars, we recruit productive members of society.”  Whew, that was a close one.


1st Pick (Minnesota Timberwolves):
Minnesotans know what the Draft Lottery is, since the Wolves frequent it every summer.  But despite being the worst team in the league often, therefore having the best chance to win the 1st pick, they have never won it.  So when the Magic is drafting Shaq, we are drafting Christian Laetner.  When the Sonics draft Kevin Durant, we draft Corey Brewer.

Minnesota Timberwolves: NBA Draft

The 2012 NBA Draft is two weeks away and the Timberwolves hold the 18th pick.  We at Shoot That S attempted to list the Wolves top draft successes.  But we realized if we did that, we would set the record for the shortest blog article ever.  So instead we will list the top Wolves Draft failures.  So as we dream of selecting Austin Rivers, Tony Wroten, Terrance Ross, or Evan Fournier to become the Wolves answer at shooting guard, the more likely outcome will look like this....


(in no particular order)


1. 2007 – Corey Brewer – 7^th pick, 2009 – Johnny Flynn -6^th Pick, 2010 – Wesley Johnson – 4^th Pick: All 3 have not live up to expectations of their respective draft selection.  The truth is that they possess talent of lower 1st round picks, not lottery picks.  But they all have great smiles.


2. 1994 - Donyell Marshall – 4^th Pick:  He was traded 40 games into the season.  But it wasn’t  a total loss, the Wolves received Tom Gugliotta in the trade.  Gulgiotta was the Wolves first All-Star and was a key player in the Wolves first playoff run.

Notable Players picked after Marshall: 5^th -  Juwan Howard, 10^th – Eddie Jones, 13^th – Jalen Rose

3. 2005 – Rashad McCants – 14^th Pick: Bad player with a bad attitude.  Struggled with injuries.

Notable Players picked after McCants: 17^th – Danny Granger, 19^th Hakim Warrick, 22^nd – Jarret Jack, 30^th – David Lee

4. 2006 – Randy Foye – 6^th pick – Foye was technically the 7^th pick, but the Wolves traded Future All-Star Brandon Roy for Foye.  This went down as one of the worst trades in Wolves history.  Even though Roy is no longer in the league due to injuries, he has accomplished more than Foye in that short time period.

Notable Players picked after Foye: 8^th – Rudy Gay, 21 – Rajon Rondo

5. 1997 – Paul Grant – 20^th Pick: Missed entire rookie year with a injury and traded mid-way through his second season.

Notable Players picked after Grant: 23^rd – Bobbie Jackson

6. 1999 – William Avery – 14^th Pick: In 3 seasons with the Wolves, he averaged 2.7 points and 1.4 assist per game.  Spent the rest of his career overseas.

Notable Players picked after Avery: 16^th – Ron Artest, 18^th – James Posey, 24^th – Andrei Kirilenko, 2^nd round – Manu Ginobili

7. 2003 – Ndubi Ebi – 26^th Pick:  Never developed into a NBA player and was released after 3 seasons.

Notable Players picked after Ebi: 27^th – Kendrick Perkins, 28^{th -}  Leandro Barbosa, 29^th – Josh Howard

8. 2001, 2002, 2004  – No Draft Picks. – The NBA stripped the wolves of 5 Draft Picks for signing Joe Smith to a illegal contract.  This crippled the Wolves and they struggled to surround Kevin Garnett with adequate talent for years.  In 2003, the NBA reduced the penalty to 3 picks. 

The men responsible for this mess.

Mr. Methane

Because we at Shoot that S! are committed to bringing you only the finest in worldwide entertainment we present the not so silent but oh so deadly Mr. Methane and his audition on Britain's Got Talent in 2009.  Enjoy.

Twins can't pass on Buck.

 
Photo Courtesy SI

With the second overall pick in the 2012 amateur baseball draft, the Minnesota Twins selected the much ballyhooed Byron Buxton, a high school outfielder from Georgia.  Scouts have branded Buxton as having five-tool potential, and bandy about phrases like "high-ceiling", "great makeup", and "freakish athleticism" when describing him.  Which, when you're drafted into a Minnesota pro sports franchise, is pretty much the kiss of death.  Such is life as a one part pessimist and two part fatalist sports fan in the Land 'O 10,000 Lakes.  We hardly knew ye Buck. 

But wait a second.  Let's dream on him a bit, shall we?  Sure the Twins current on-field product is as Bill Walton would say, terrrribbble.  With luminaries such as Jeff Gray, Cole DeVries, and Darrin Mastorianni (I don't even care enough to look up how to spell that, sorry Darrin, or is it Darren?), currently donning the T and C on their hats, it is painfully apparent that the Twins have quickly fallen from grace since the opening of Target Field in 2010.  Jim Thome stopped hitting taters, starting hitting the icy hot, and got dealt east.  Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel moved on for greener pastures and greener wallets.  Tsuyoshi Nishioka's supermodel girlfriend broke up with him after he broke his leg and couldn't hit major league pitching.  Damn you Nick Swisher and your gritty, fundamentally sound slides into second base!  (Seriously, how bad do you feel for Nishioka?  Think he's happy he made the leap across the pond?  Check out his MILB pic.  Yeesh.)  Oh, and the M and M boys broke their bodies. 

Fast forward three years.  Give Terry Ryan a chance to work his stoic mojo for a little bit.  Granted, the following is probably too aggressive, and there will be some washouts, but this is my hypothetical scenario, so deal with it.

POSITION	PLAYER	2015 AGE	Notes
Catcher	Ghost of Joe Mauer	32	Born 3 days after me and his wheels are gone. Likely not at catcher in 2015, but in this illustration, Joe  has knee transplant surgery.  I think I'm going to need help getting up out of my chair after posting this.
First Base	Miguel Sano	22	Could be Miguel Cabrera 2.0.  Seriously.  Has never met a donut he didn't like.
Second Base	Eddie Rosario	24	Solid regular.  Top 100 prospect.  Could go 15/15 and hit .280.
Shortstop	Levi Michael	24	Close to majors now.  Another steady if unspectacular type.
Third Base	Travis Harrison	23	Huge power.  Something like Travis Fryman and Dean Palmer's love child.  Travis gave him his name, but not his glove.
Left Field	Ben Revere	27	Full disclosure:  I heart Ben Revere.  No arm.  No power.  Great speed, average, and plate discipline.  Nice top of the order type.
Center Field	Byron Buxton	22	He's 18.  Who knows.  This is my dream though, so here he is.
Right Field	Oswaldo Arcia	24	Not many at bats on the farm, but has impressed.  Not a ton of stolen bases, but has speed.  Could go 20-20 someday.
Designated Hitter	Great Gazoo Justin Morneau	34	We know he'll have a big helmet.  What else he'll bring to the table - your guess is as good as mine.
Other Guys:
OF	Aaron Hicks	26	Huge talent has never delivered.  4th OFer?
1B / OF	Chris Parmelee	27	See above.
INF	Brian Dozier	28	As long as guys like Gardenhire and Scioscia are in the league, Dozier might play until he's 50 because he is a gamer. Hopefully he's not a long-term starter for the Twinkies.

By the looks of things, if you squint real hard you can see a pretty good young squad in place in 3 years.  Dealing Spansies, Willinghamsies, Doumitsies, Lirianosies, etc., this year and next could bring back some more young talent.  In addition, 5 more top 100 picks this week and the assurance of picking high for at least another year or two means Terry Ryan has ample ammo to re-stock the shelves  - read: pitching.

Geez, pitching is another story.  I don't even want to go there but to say that I hope we draft and trade well for guys who aren't yet in our system.  As it stands, Deolis Guerra, Carlos Gutierrez, Lester Oliveros and Glen Perkins offer some hope for the bullpen.  Guys like Kyle Gibson, Alex Wimmers, Adrian Salcedo, Liam Hendricks, and possibly even Scott Diamond could be taking regular turns in the rotation by 2015. (Believe me, that wasn't any easier for me to type than it was for you to read.) 

All in all, the next 3 years will be critical to the determining how long the Twins remain in the basement.  But, with Terry Ryan at GM, Gardy and Rick Anderson in the dugout, and one of the better scouting departments in the land, let's hope that the handsome confines of Target Field aren't hosting ugly baseball for too long.