All the exciting events from Thursday night, brought to you by Goetze's Mini-Vanilla Cow Tales...(all times Central):
6:48 - Return from Olive Garden to find 3rd pick is in . . . crap.
6:50 - Awkward family photo of the Bradley Beal family
6:51 - Looks like Beal missed a little spot on his chin shaving this morning. What is that thing?
6:55 - Stern sounds like he's been spending a lot of time in New York lately. A quick Wikipedia check reveals he was born in New York...never mind.
6:56 - I believe the reason that the Wolves failed to trade up for Dion Waiters is that he lacks the good smile and strong handshake of other T-Wolves Syracuse picks (see: Jonny Flynn, Wes Johnson)
6:57 - Rumor has it Kahn has an orange in his pocket for Fab Melo. Is that short for "Fabulous"? He kinda looks like the guy in Friday who gets his bike stolen by Debo
6:59 - Gotta "Goetze" me another cow tale - seriously? That's how they spell "tail"?
7:00 - Is that Garrett Anderson in the Taco Bell nachos commercial?
7:04 - Not lovin' the forced questions upon the Thomas Robinson family. Leave 'em alone already.
7:05 - Use of the word "character" count at 4, not including first half-hour of draft that was missed . . .
7:06 - Van Gundy's twitter handle is "Notorious JVG." Who does that guy think he is? #keithhernandez
7:11 - Kinda slow here. Another cow tale; interesting packaging.
7:13 - Barnes certainly looking like he's from Iowa with that hat
7:15 - Apparently theme of the draft is to have ladder matches between the top picks?
7:16 - Currently breaking down our fantasy football mock draft. Pick #58, where are you??
7:18 - Twitter currently 2 picks ahead of ESPN
7:19 - Terrence Ross rockin' the bow tie. Somewhere Bruce Bowen is smiling.
7:20 - Wait, this is really the new hat style? Somewhere Omar Vizquel is smiling.
7:22 - Fran kinda looks like Nathan Lane.
7:25 - Look for "Foul-a-Drummond" = 29% FT!?!?
7:30 - Evidently HP laid off workers so they could sponsor Stern's note cards?
7:36 - Miles Leonard wins award for first to bend his hat bill
7:40 - Randy Wittman being interviewed. King of Interim Coaches himself. Last winning season was when he played for the Hoosiers. Is he doing chaw right now?
7:49 - Twitter slowing down. I think Stern went back there and whooped someone's ass
7:52 - Is Heather sitting on Roy Williams' lap?
7:53 - Fab Melo rumors percolating again. Oh oh.
7:56 - John Henson certainly looks like someone excited to play in Milwaukee
8:00 - Boo birds getting louder for Stern.
8:07 - Royce!! Wonder if the Mayor is in the house? At least there wasn't much for him to steal in Iowa. Let the Anthony Mason comparisons begin.
8:08 - Jay Bilas: "Houston will have to satisfy themselves..."
8:12 - Zeller kinda looking like Jim McIlvaine. Is his left ear bigger than his right?
8:18 - Feeling buyers remorse on our Chase 'Carl' Buddig(ner) trade
8:21 - Rick Bucher immediately tempers expectations on the Zeller to CLE trade by starting with "don't get too excited"
8:23 - Jones and Sullinger must have "about to die" on their medical reports
8:28 - Cut again to Fran because he only knows foreign players. "I think his game will translate to the NBA - he's been using Rosetta Stone for a while now..." Fornier kinda looks like Adam Lambert.
8:32 - Fab Melo stats check: 7.8ppg, 5.8rpg, 2.9bpg
8:42 - Holding breath Celtics actually keep Melo. #defensive3secondsallday
8:45 - DW to Dallas for the 24 here possibly? #riotseason
8:49 - Atlanta currently on the clock on ESPN. Next 3 picks already announced on Twitter
8:50 - I think Mike Dunlap taught my high school physics class. #overhishead
8:57 - Maybe we trade for OJ Mayo? Tomorrow's proposed newspaper headline: "Hold the Mayo" with picture of Love hugging our new acquisition. Seriously, the stuff writes itself.
8:59 - (Will Ferrell voice): "Stern! The draft pick! We want it! What's he doing back there? I never know what he's doing..."
9:01 - Seriously think Stern had a hip replacement between picks there
9:02 - Keep tweeting JVG, hoping to see his cell phone vibrate off the table on TV
9:05 - "Uncle Drew" is actually Kyrie Irving? I think Grandmama was actually better than Larry Johnson.
9:10 - Stern late again, waddling to the podium. Will someone please text Christopher Nolan and tell him we've found a "Penguin" for his next Batman movie?
9:12 - PJIII to OKC?? Rich get richer.
9:27 - Last Stern announcement of the night? Honestly think he forgot his meds at home.
9:30 - Hoping for a Fab Melo run-in (and Friday reunion) during the "Craig" and Debo" Coors Light Commercial
9:33 - Biggest cheer of the night for Adam Silver
9:34 - Use of word "character" count now over 600
9:38 - Satoransky looks like Lloyd Christmas
9:45 - Scott Machado was pretty good in The Karate Kid...
10:23 - Who seriously watches this crap?