I Can't Quit You Randy Moss

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"Randy has been working out, two-a-days, all spring and summer in West Virginia," Segal said. "He is determined, motivated and quite frankly has a huge chip on his shoulder. Whatever team ends up getting Randy, they're going to know they're getting the old Randy Moss. He's not just coming in to be on the team, he's going to be Randy Moss -- a difference maker." 


The words from Randy Moss' agent Joel Segal.  Was it just me or was anyone else in Viking Nation just a little bit excited?  Now, don't get me wrong, I remember last year.  The seeming lack of effort, the rumors of poor practice habits, the ripping of a local caterer.  I read it all.  But the problem is that I just can't stay mad at Randy.  Its a sick thing really.  But all I see when looking at 84 is the long bombs, the one handed catches, the behind yer head laterals.  The "and the silence you hear is Lambeau Field."  The Thanksgiving Day massacre of the Cowboys.  The "they can't jump with me! Golll-leee!"     The Super Freak. 

And so here we sit.  NFL Free Agency 2011 is in full tilt netting the Vikes Donovan McNabb but costing them Sidney Rice.  The Vikings are caught somewhere between rebuilding and contending with a hole in their WR corps.  A 6'4'' 210 lb hole.  And we at Shoot That S! feel like the kid from The Natural  bringing Roy Hobbs one more bat and hoping against all odds that just maybe we can see greatness one last time.

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So, Super Freak, if you're out there and you're listening, we're asking for one more year.  One more one-handed catch, one more 75 yd TD, one more "Superbowl Homeboy."  We know last year wasn't your fault.  We know Chilly was behind it all.  The vanilla offense, the broken relationship with Brett Favre, the poor food choices in the locker room.  We even suspect he had something to do with the Metrodome roof collapse.  I mean, how many 3 yd passes to Nafahu Tahi can one building stomach?  But we digress.  The point is you can come home again.  Leslie Frazier will fix everything.  We have Donovan McNabb now.  It'll be just like old times, you'll see.  We haven't forgotten you, we still have our "84 jerseys" and we'll be waiting there in the Metrodome endzone with open arms.  If you're willing to make the leap.

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Welcome Donovan! Goodbye Sidney...

Viking buddies no more...

Top Ten Wrestling Heels (1987-1991)

1987-1991 was arguably the greatest five year span in pro wrestling history (with 1996-2000 a close second). Largely responsible for the success of this era - along with steroids of course - were the following 10 heel wrestlers. Feel free to debate me, but you're clearly wrong already...

Top 10 Heel Wrestlers: 1987-1991*

10) Twin Towers - Separately, Ray Traylor and George Gray were pretty atrocious. And yes, they were only paired up from late-1988 through early 1990. But during that time, the two were one of the most entertaining / dominant tag-teams in the game, and largely responsible for the Mega Powers breaking up. We had to stomach Akeem's blue spandex tights, but the ridiculous dancing more than made up for it.

 

9) Earthquake - Vince certainly loves his big men. For being over 400 lbs, John Tenta could actually throw a pretty mean dropkick. This is the man responsible for crushing Hulk Hogan's ribs, sending countless jobbers to the hospital, and killing Jake Roberts' snake. Again, the blue spandex...















8) "The Model" Rick Martel - A drastic change from one-half of Strike Force - and ditching perhaps the worst entrance music in history. The Model first showed Tito who was the better half, then blinded Jake Roberts with his cologne (evidently a rough period for Jake...). Probably could/should be ranked lower down, but more of a mid-card type.

7) Sgt. Slaughter - Although a heel for a little over a year, The Sarge left his mark as one of the most controversial characters in history. Arguably the most hated heel over a one-year span ever. The man could sure sell, plus who didn't love this promo by Vince?

6) Andre the Giant - Getting the vote for this spot mostly for name recognition. In ring during this time, Andre was pure awful. His promos weren't much better. 

5) Honky Tonk Man - Never a big fan, but the guy could take a beating and make you hate him. The swinging neckbreaker was easily one of the worst finishers in wrestling history (couldn't even find a clip it is so bad). Performed this tasty lick live at WrestleMania 6 though...Also, hit Jake Roberts in the head with a non-breakable guitar (continuing our theme).

4) Mr. Perfect - The final four were a tough batch to rank. Could probably interchange any of them and still be correct. Mr. Perfect could sell the heck out of anything and put together some of the best vignette packages in wrestling history. 

3) "Macho Man/King" Randy Savage - Alternated as a face, but one of the best heels as well. Unfortunately saddled with stupid feuds against Jim Duggan and Dusty Rhodes, but also with main-eventers like Hogan and Warrior. Gave us plenty of great moments and survived carrying these two clowns.

2) "Ravishing" Rick Rude - The man could upset a crowd like no other. Airbrushed a picture of Cheryl Roberts on his tights, infuriating Jake. A true classic, whose career in WWF was unfortunately cut short when he discovered Warrior made about 10x the money, despite clearly carrying Warrior to some great matches. Stupid Warrior. 

1) "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase - This guy took a beating, made you hate him on the mic, feuded with the best, and had possibly the greatest theme song ever. #1 in my book. And who can forget this?

* Shawn Michaels (late-1991) began his heel run late during this period, and therefore was not included. Undertaker could be included, but I don't think he was a heel that truly defined this period of time in the way the others did. Wrestlers from WCW during this time were not included as it was clearly the inferior brand. If I were to include managers in the list, Bobby Heenan would be #1, hands down.

Sports Movies

1992 – 1995 was a golden age for Family Sports Movies.  We at Shoot That S! spent our summers off from grade school playing outside, watching WWF Superstars on Saturday Morning, and re-watching our favorite movies on VHS.  Here are our top 5 movies from that time.

5. Angels in the Outfield

Who doesn’t love a movie about a dead beat dad who tells his kid that the family won’t get back together unless the Angels win the Pennant.  Forget Performance Enhancing Drugs, the Angels and Tony Danza were aided by actual angels.  After this movie was released, MLB put a asterisk on all of the Angels stats and forced them to have the ridiculous name of Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Memorable Quote (s):

Roger Bomman: Dad, when do you think we're gonna be a family again?
 Mr. Bomman: From where I'm sitting, I'd say when the Angels win the pennant.

Roger Bomman: God... if there is a God... if you're a man or a woman... if you're listening, I'd really, really like a family. My dad says that will only happen if the Angels win the pennant. The baseball team, I mean. So, maybe you can help them win a little. Amen. Oh, A-woman, too.

4. Little Big League

This movie came out before Internet Fantasy Leagues took off.  Now I manage 2 Baseball teams, so this movie isn’t so impressive anymore.

Memorable Quote (s):

Jim Bowers: It's a scientific fact that a pig becomes a hog at 180 pounds. 
Spencer Hamilton: What's that make your wife?
Tucker Kain: Fat.

Mike McGrevey: I think you should trade me. 
Mac: As soon as we find someone stupid enough to take you, that's EXACTLY what we're gonna do.

Joey: You should start Webman. He always beats the Rangers. 
Billy Heywood: He always beats everybody. That's why he's 3-7.

3. Rookie of the Year (1993)

Gary Busey was in this movie.  Enough said.

Memorable Quote (s):

[once taken out of the cast, Henry's arm snaps around and hits Dr. Kersten in the nose]
Dr. Kersten: [muffled, with hands over his face] Funky, buttloving...! 
George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"

2. Mighty Ducks (1992)

Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez)  leads a pee-wee hockey team to the championship and is dubbed the “Minnesota Miracle Man”.  (Such a lofty nickname for winning a Pee-wee championship.  Tom Kelly won two World Series and his nickname is T.K.)

Memorable Quote (s):

Goldberg: My mother is not gonna approve of this, Coach! She wants me to live to be Bar Mitzvah'd! 
Gordon Bombay: This is your Bar Mitzvah, Goldberg. Today, you become a man. Goldberg: No. I think you've got the ceremonies mixed up. This is more like a CIRCUMCISION.

Gordon Bombay: Yes sir, Mr. Ducksworth. Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth. Quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth!
Mr. Gerald Ducksworth: Gordon, stop quacking!
Gordon Bombay: Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!

1. Sandlot (1993)

This movie encouraged all little boys to fake a drowning so they can steal a kiss from the super hot lifeguard.  Who wouldn’t want mouth-to-mouth from Wendy Peffercorn? 

Nostalgic movie. Done perfectly with the characters, settings, plot, and neighborhoods.  Reminds us of the summers playing with other kids on the block.

Memorable Quote(s):

Smalls: Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi. 
                                                      Ham Porter: That wimpy deer?
                                                      Smalls: Yeah, I guess. Sorry

Squints: I've been coming here every summer of my adult life, and every summer there she is oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling... smiling. I can't take this no more!

Honorable Mention:  Mighty Ducks 2 (1994), Ladybugs (1992), The Air Up There (1994)

Actual eBay Item for Sale

*The Joker* Photo Edit

Item condition:	--
Time left:	2d 02h (Jul 20, 201119:55:48 PDT)
Bid history:	1 bid
Current bid:	US $0.01
Your max bid:	US $	Place bid
	(Enter US $0.06 or more)

It's really simple, the winner of the auction will send me ONE photo to be edited.

I will edit the photo similar to the one pictured.

Anyone who is a fan of The Joker or Batman, etc. will love a picture like this :)

The finished product will be emailed to the winner within 24 hours of receiving the original.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Happy Bidding!!

..............huh................?

A tip of the hat to Omar Vizquel

It isn't the 11 Gold Gloves.  Or the 3 trips to the All-Star game.  Or even that his fielding percentage is tops all-time for Shortstops.  Nope.  The reason STS loves Omar Vizquel is that our boy Omar isn't afraid to rock the high-hat.  That's right.  We can't tell if he should be driving a combine or coaching third base at a little league game but either way its money.

Remember Johnny, only one out. 

"Nothing runs like a Deere."

What is he keeping under there?  It looks like he could be smuggling another baseball or an apple to eat during a pitching change. Notice the slight crease, just enough to block out the Sun's harmful rays.  Cause Omar don't need no eye black!  He's old school.  

Honestly, how is that not falling off?! 

So Omar, to you we bid good day sir and offer a tip of our hat to the man to which this task comes that much easier.

**STS also wants to recognize our "high-hat honorable mention."  Former Yankee great and newly minted Los Angeles Dodgers skipper Don Mattingly.  We've noticed you and we like what you're doing with the Dodger blue headgear.

We've got our eye on you Donnie Baseball.  Keep truckin. 

How to Fail a Test

 

Bonus: Funny

Double Bonus: Also Funny

Top Chris Berman Nicknames

Octavio Shh Dotel
Hideo Ain't Gonna Work on Maggie's Farm Nomo

John I am not a Kruk
Mike You're in Good Hands with Allstott
Eric Sleeping with Bieniemy

Andre Bad Mood Rison
Chuck New Kids on the Knoblauch
Roberto Remember the Alomar
Todd Highway to Helton
Todd Snap Crackle Van Poppel

Bert Be Home Blyleven
Bobby Bad to the Bonilla
Tom Cotton Candiotti
Mike Enough Aldrete
 












Rick See Your Later Aguilera
Stan Belinda Carlisle
Carlos One If by Land, Two if Baerga
Rob My Bironas
Walt Three Blind Weiss
Ground Control to David Toms
Frank Tanana Daquiri
Pedro Harvest Munoz
Kirt What Was That Manwaring 

Lamarr Where Does It Hoytt
Greg Gagne with a Spoon
Rob Double Dibble
Jeff Philadephia Feagles

Matt Stump the Schaub
Jake Daylight Comin' You Gotta Delhomme
Albert Winnie the PujolsScott Supercalifragilisticexpiali Brosius
Greg Math Maddox

Rivals' Top 25 College Football Players of the last Decade

As Rivals.com celebrates their 10 year anniversary they have offered up their version of the top 25 college football players of the last decade.  And what better way to prepare for the beginning of the college football season than by arguing for your favorite school's best players.  Is the list correct?  Was there an obvious omission?  List your best college football players of the last decade in the comments section below.


To read the full article and more in-depth breakdown click here.





25- EJ Henderson (Maryland)
24- Cam Newton (Auburn)
23- James Laurinaitis (Ohio State)
22- Glen Dorsey (LSU)
21- Percy Harvin (Florida)
20- Derrick Johnson (Texas)
19- Sam Bradford (Oklahoma)
18- Patrick Willis (Ole Miss)
17- Joe Thomas (Wisconsin)
16- Michael Crabtree (Texas Tech)
15- Tommie Harris (Oklahoma)
14- AJ Hawk (Ohio State)
13- Jake Long (Michigan)
12- Larry Fitzgerald (Pittsburgh)
11- David Pollack (Georgia)
10- Colt McCoy (Texas)
9- Eric Berry (Tennessee)
8- Pat White (West Virginia)
7- Ndamukong Suh (Nebraska)
6- Adrian Peterson (Oklahoma)
5- Reggie Bush (USC)
4- Darren McFadden (Arkansas)
3- Matt Leinart (USC)
2- Vince Young (Texas)
1- Tim Tebow (Florida)