Monday, August 15, 2011

College Football's war of words

The year is 2008.  The Florida Gators, Texas Longhorns, and USC Trojans have the top college football teams in the land and no shortage of rabid followers.  And somewhere in the Twin Cities metro area three such followers are sending emails but not getting much "real" work done.  (Names changed.)

Swamp Gas:  As of right now the Gators have the top ranked recruiting class in the nation......again.  They just landed a 5 * DT prospect over the weekend.  6'3 311lbs as an 18 year old kid.  And looks to be in solid shape.  Urban legend is at it again- if he can improve the defense to go along with what will be the nation's top ranked offense you could see Tim Tebow hoisting another trophy next year.....the national championship trophy.

Hook’em Horns: Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't think one out of shape freshman (see picture of gut hanging out below) is going to be able to plug all the holes in the Gator defense.  Tebow will be long gone before the Gators have a good defense.  However, even with a bad defense the Gators are 10 times the team that Nebraska is.  Hook'em Horns! 

Fight On Trojans!: What's that, Mack?  You're trying to keep all your coaches off the field this year?  Well, that's a step in the right direction!

Hook’em Horns:  Fight On,  it was his step son, and if you saw the post game interview you would know that he didn't touch the ball.  See Story below. 

"I didn't touch it, I didn't touch it," Jessie said. "The focus shouldn't be on me. That was a great game."
He said his stepfather told him "not to worry about it, the guys would pull it out."
Brown joked about it afterward.
"I was standing there. I didn't think he touched it, but it just shows you how badly our family wanted to win the game. He even got involved," Brown said. 

Swamp Gas: So when Mack Brown marries his cousin and they have a kid they call it a "step-son?"  I didn't know how those hicks classify their kin.  Good thing they brought Major Applewhite back so he can bring some brains to that staff.

Hook’em Horns:  

You know you're a gator if…

* You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
* The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
* You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
* You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
* You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
* Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
* The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
* You've ever bought a used cap.
* Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
* You pick your teeth from a catalog.
* You've ever financed a tatoo.
* You've ever stolen toilet paper.
* People hear your car a long time before they see it.

Fight On Trojans!:  I think Urban Meyer needs to focus on recruiting football players instead of their girlfriends.  Hmmm all it takes is two years at an SEC school for the "model of purity" to be corrupted....

Swamp Gas: Bruce Feldman is a Cane and a hater.  He's just pissed that 2 of Miami's biggest recruits have jumped ship to the Gators.  This story is minor at best.  It pales in comparison to some of the rumors about the SC program that are apparently in Reggie Bush's new book?  At least Meyer isn't buying homes and cars for players.

Swamp Gas: As far as the Gator D goes they have also landed the top 2 Safety prospects in the nation.  Will Hill, remember the name.  6'3'' 210 lbs of skullcrusher.  When he wins the Thorpe award in 3 years and goes 1st round you can look back at this e-mail and say "gee Dave was smart."  The Gator D doesn't have to be dominant, just not the sieve that they were this year.  Hold teams to 20 pts or less is all I ask.

Fight On- Gators have a couple skill players to boot.  Carl Moore the top juco WR in the country is on board.  6'4'' 220 lbs.  Plucked him out of SC country- Cali.  Also, you forget about Emmanuel Moody.  He will take some of the load off Tebow.  Let me get Biblical: "the stone (Moody) that USC rejected shall become the capstone of UF."  Is that blasphemous?  Pray for me. 

Good hire for Nebraska but they have a long way to go. 

Follow up question:  Notre Dame currently has the #2 recruiting class?  Why on earth would any HS player go to play for that nightmare?  I wonder what Cheeseburger Charlie is offering besides immediate PT.  I hear Catholic girls are easy, that must be it.

Fight On Trojans!: Dave you do not impress me with SoCal recruits that can't play for SC.  Everyone knows that if they have a chance to play for SC, they would!  The GaYtors can continue to take SC's leftovers all they want, but the truth of the matter is, you can' t make prime rib out of chicken...

Fight On Trojans!: I have a paper due in 1 hour, and I am writing emails to you jokers.

Swamp Gas: All that "prime rib" helped out against Stanford. 

PS- I hear that Moody is very religious but didn't feel quite at home at SC.  I guess when Pete Carroll sold his soul for national championships it affected the whole team.  Good thing Gainesville is the land of milk and honey.  Welcome home Emmanuel.

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