Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Top 10 guys that real guys hate

Here are the dudes that annoy us, bother us, or we just plain want to punch in the face.  In ascending order of dislike.

10. Alex Rodriguez
Reason: He ditched the small market Mariners for Texas and then the Big Apple so that makes him a sellout in our book.  And then he took steroids.  And then he had Cameron Diaz feeding him popcorn on national TV.  Yeah, we pretty much hope you fail all the time.

9. Joe Buck
Reason: There's a lot not to like here.  From his smug arrogance, his spray on tan and even his open admission that he "really doesn't watch or like sports that much."  Joe- you're the announcer we all groan upon hearing at the start of our favorite football game.

8. Anyone who has ever appeared on the Bachelor
Reason: c'mon dudes, seriously?  They should round all of you up and send you to France.  Besides, Joe Millionaire was waaaayy better.

Milk people- what were YOU thinking??

7. Jared from Subway
Reason: Look, I'm sure you're a nice enough guy.  But the fact that Subway is cramming you down our throats like one of their new fresh melts makes us sick.  We get it, you were fat and now you're not.  Congrats, now go away.

6.  HeHateMe
Reason: Otherwise known as Rod Smart, he made a name for himself during the first season of Vince McMahon's failed XFL.  Rod, we don't really hate you but it made sense to include you on the list.  And coming up with 10 people is harder than we thought...

                                                           5.  Bradley Cooper
Reason: You were awesome in Wedding Crashers as Sack but then you went all long-haired pretty boy on us.  And then you starting making chick flicks and were in that terrible A-Team movie.  You've got some work to do to make it up to us.

4.  That vampire guy from the Twilight movies
Reason:  we don't know your name and we don't want to.  You and your pale face and all your teenage angst.  We don't get why your movies are so popular but we do know that when you're still milking the teenage vampire bit when you're in your 50s its going to be really creepy.
3.  Ryan Seacrest
Reason: He's just so tiny and tan, he looks like a Ken-doll.  We think he's made of wax.  And yet, he dates all these hot chicks.  Hot chicks - what gives?!

2.  Mark Sanchez
Reason: Maybe its because he went to USC.  Or because he plays for the Jets, the NFL team that has replaced the Dallas Cowboys as over-reported and overrated.  But the guy comes across like an entitled baby and we love watching him wilt in the big game.  Sorry Mark, its just business, nothing personal.  


1.  Matthew McConaughey
Reason:  Let's be honest, the guy has played the same character in every movie since A Time to Kill. We get it, you're from Texas.  And for the love of everything holy can you please stop taking off your freaking shirt!  Ok, we'll give you credit, Reign of Fire was pretty sweet  but that was because it took us half the movie to figure out it was you!  Stop making these dumb chick flicks, working out on the beach (what, there isn't a Lifetime Fitness in Malibu?), and if we see one more of those dumb Brut cologne ads in our Sports Illustrated we're calling the cops.  Congrats Matthew you turned our hearts black and you take the shirtless cake of guys we hate the most.                                                        


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