Saturday, June 18, 2011

Wedding Songs

We are now well into the month of June. Here at STS, that can only mean three things:

1) Methinks the Timberwolves are prepping for another bad draft
2) The Twins are making a furious rally to climb in the Central
3) It's wedding season, kid!

Mazal Tov!!

I recently attended a wedding for a family friend whom I have known for years. The ceremony was good, the walleye was excellent, but the toasts were incredibly lame -

We have been great friends for years...a few days ago we went back to our old college and it was guys are perfect for each other...everyone raise a glass

So Touching.

Next of course, was the best time of any wedding; the dance! At that point, inhibitions go out the door. There is head-nodding, fist-pumping, knee-bending, and cha-cha sliding aplenty. This wedding was no different. After father/daughter and mother/son dances, the always overrated "We Are Family" (see below) started up. Naturally this brought the family of the couple to the floor, where they be confused on what to do. At first there was jumping, then some sort of hand-holding-circle-thing, and then most people just broke into something that resembled The Electric Slide.

Next batch of songs were oldies but cliches (Summer Lovin', Stayin' Alive, Brown-Eyed Girl, etc), prompting "too much wine lady" to make a clown out of herself by continuing to dance all the way out of the ballroom and perhaps towards the bathroom. These were followed by Brian Adams' Summer of 69....quickly emptying the dance floor, save for two young children jumping around near the corner. Some songs just don't belong. On that note, here are my top 3 best/worst wedding dance numbers:

Best Wedding Songs:
1) Shout - Isley Brothers (1959) - a classic, allowing young children and senior citizens alike to progressively crouch on the dance floor and then jump while using their jazz hands. Who doesn't immediately think of Wedding Crashers or Jacob Silj?

"...and a little bit softer now...and a little bit softer now..."

2) You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC (1980) - Brian Johnson sings it at the top of his lungs, and so do we - before realizing how ridiculous we sound when the DJ does that audio-drop-thingy during the chorus
3) Old Time Rock and Roll - Bob Seger (1979) - A foot stompin' good time that unfortunately ends up reminding us of Tom Cruise in his skivvies.

Worst Wedding Songs:
1) Celebration - Kool and The Gang (1980) - another awkward "how the eff do you dance to this???" number. Reminds me of Target Center post-game back when the T-Wolves were good, heightening my hysteria.
2) C'mon N' Ride It (The Train) - Quad City DJ's (1995) - shouldn't it be "Quad Cities" DJ's? This is one song where I try to make any excuse to head with "too much wine lady" for the nearest exit before I'm grabbed by "I've-got-no-qualms-squeezing-your-hips-even-though-we've-just-met guy"
3) We Are Family - Sister Sledge (1979) - used as the theme song by the 1979 World Champion Pittsburgh Pirates, which can pretty much explain why they haven't won since.

C'mon now. We've won a few since then...

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